Don’t underestimate the importance of really listening and empathizing with the other person! It’s important to keep in mind that we all come from a unique perspective, and work hard to assume nothing; really listen to the other person and let them explain where they are coming from. In order to become someone who practices healthy conflict, it’s important to become aware of patterns and destructive attitudes that can exacerbate conflict in a relationship. Let’s say you want to remind your boss that you don’t answer work calls after 5 p.m. If you worry that your boss will fire you for reinforcing this boundary, you might remind yourself that your boss is a reasonable person who values work-life balance. how to deal with someone who avoids conflict “Reframe how you are viewing conflict,” Spinelli says.
What Does Healthy (Productive) Conflict Look Like?
- If you did a good job of summarizing their perspective, they’ll let you know.
- It’s vital to understand the other person’s perspective, rather than just our own, if we are to come to a resolution.
- The other benefit is that you’ll start to become accustomed to the discomfort of tension and will be less likely to experience it as personal friction.
- Negotiation and conflict-management research reveals how our differing conflict-management styles mesh with best practices in conflict resolution.
- When it is clear who owns the decision, a task-based conflict shouldn’t take too long.
Can we try to tone down the conversation so we can do that? Any time you can acknowledge what’s happening between you in a calm, rational, non-accusatory way, it’s going to help further the conversation toward a better outcome. Or you can say, now doesn’t seem like the right time, especially for me. Any time you level accusations, people are just going to get more defensive and usually become more of who they’re being. If they’re an avoider, they’re just going to squirm and crawl under the desk. And really invest in understanding them, not out of kindness or generosity.
Identify Active Coping Options
Can we take another pass at what people think we’re agreeing to? Even if you agree with a proposed plan, it’s worth considering other ways the situation might play out. “I agree that’s the way to go because I also think we’re going to get our project to market first. How would the launch plan change if the competition beat us to market? ” By encouraging your team to consider alternative scenarios, you’ll expose assumptions, reduce groupthink, and help mitigate any risks inherent in even a good plan.
- It is important to realize that the benefits of conflict resolution extend beyond resolving disagreements, contributing significantly to personal growth, emotional well-being, and healthy relationships.
- Being conflict avoidant also impacts our relationships because we’re cutting off all honest communication with the other person.
- If not, they’ll correct you and you’ll get another chance to summarize and make them feel heard.
- Instead, try to view conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both.
- And they’re willing to sacrifice directness and honesty in order to make sure those relationships stay intact.
How to set boundaries and act assertively in conflict.
- Here’s more about what that means as well as how you can learn to cope more effectively.
- You’re on a deadline or swamped with workload already.
- When you avoid the slightest disagreement, you’re compromising your true feelings and storing up frustration that can end up negatively affecting your health.
- That also means that you can choose to feel differently.
- For the team, unexpressed but obvious frustrations erode trust, interfere with communication, and contribute to resentment.
And so you really also have to be in touch with what you want and what you need from a situation, which can be uncomfortable, but is going to help you have much more productive discussions. In a relationship, this can look like going silent on a partner, changing the subject, or enduring uncomfortable situations instead of expressing issues openly. If you’re making a case for how wrong the other person is, discounting their feelings, and staying stuck in your point of view, you’re focused in the wrong direction. Don’t demand that your partner see things the same way, and don’t take it as a personal attack if they have a different opinion.
This outcome can be avoided through active coping but it can be difficult to do at first. If you try to avoid conflict by sidestepping conversations that could contain elements of conflict, it might feel like you are steering clear of conflict and achieving low levels of stress. Communicating your feelings and needs clearly is also an important aspect of conflict resolution.
Disagreeing with a colleague is one thing, but if the person you disagree with is your boss or someone else who wields power over you, the perceived risk and the potential pain are even more drastic. What if they think less of you, lower your bonus, pass you by for promotion? Conflict–the process of struggling with opposing perspectives and needs–is fundamental to every aspect of organizational life. It’s how you make strategic decisions about where your organization will compete and how you’ll win. It’s the process to make trade-offs and optimize your allocation of scarce resources.
One risk is that no one acknowledges ownership for a task and the lack of accountability means an important ball gets dropped. Another possibility is that multiple people believe they own a task or get to make a call and they clash over differing preferences. Sorting out who is responsible for what aspects of a task can help prevent unproductive conflict or to resolve a conflict once it has started. Another source of unhealthy conflict is when the parties are working toward different goals, or perhaps toward the same goals but with different priorities. Misaligned goals might be explicit, as in the situation where two departments are held accountable for different, competing metrics. Alternatively, misaligned goals might come from individuals with different views of the best course of action.
And of course, you might take those tests so that you’re better prepared for every situation that arrives. Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior.